I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
