God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
