I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
