i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
