and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
