i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
