the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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