I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
