'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
