Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
