the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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