I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
