This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
