You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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