Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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