literally had 100 drinks last night.
I faked an abortion last night.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
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Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
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I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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