I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
