no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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