Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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