Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
