i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
