We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
