mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
