put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
