WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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