Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You made out with two different species that night
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Randomize
