I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
