I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
