I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
