So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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