Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? šš
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I need advice on ways to politely say āfuck you on your way to hellā.
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