We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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