Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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