Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
