That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
why do cheetos always look like penises
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
