Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
