I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
