So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
