I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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