I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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