the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
