sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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