Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
