shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
