I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
