Just cropdusted the office
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
