I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
