I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
