i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
