My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
