He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
