she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Randomize
