The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
