i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
