The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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