I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
