oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
