wakey wakey hands off snakey
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Randomize
