fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
