she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
