I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
