so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You can't special order awesome
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
