How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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