When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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