ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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