Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
