Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
