I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
