I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
