You're so nebulous sometimes
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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