You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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